As a mother with two young wonderful boys, I say “good job” a lot. This article makes me wonder if any of these people actually have children. I think this article is about the dumbest thing I have ever read, and is stating these “facts” with no real support of his argument. They try to appeal to the ethos by stating where this article has been published, for example in Parenting magazine, however they don’t state on what authority it was published. What makes this man a credible source on childrearing? Where is he getting these ideas from?
He states that we are manipulating our children if we continue to verbally praise, and that it is for our own convenience not for theirs, and we should have a full conversation with them so they will grow as human beings. This is all well and good, but has he tried to have a conversation with a two year old about why we need to go potty in the big boy/big girl potty and not in a diaper? Yes, having children potty trained is surely a convenience on the parents but how can you expect them to grow into mature adults without this knowledge. Has he tried having an intelligent conversation with a newly walking one year old about why climbing on things can give them an “boo boo”, at such a young age these types of conversations are not possible. As children grow older, yes you can talk to them but why does the praise have to stop? Why is the conversation simply added to it?
He states that saying good job will steal your child’s pleasure, and reduce their achievement, again I cry foul. There is no logos to back these statements up. Children should love and respect their parents so compliments should only add to their pleasure, not steal from it. And any normal, stable parenting environment will praise a child’s efforts not the actual work. When I child presents you with a pile of dirt with a smile on his/her face, what parents would not praise this child? Yes its only a pile of dirt but to the child it could be anything from a castle to a dinosaur, thus instilling confidence in the child, not a fear of not topping the previous effort.
I think Kohn’s does a poor job of supporting his article with facts and thus I don’t think it is very effective and he certainly did not convince me in any way, shape, or form.