As a mother with two young wonderful boys, I say “good job” a lot. This article makes me wonder if any of these people actually have children. I think this article is about the dumbest thing I have ever read, and is stating these “facts” with no real support of his argument. They try to appeal to the ethos by stating where this article has been published, for example in Parenting magazine, however they don’t state on what authority it was published. What makes this man a credible source on childrearing? Where is he getting these ideas from?
He states that we are manipulating our children if we continue to verbally praise, and that it is for our own convenience not for theirs, and we should have a full conversation with them so they will grow as human beings. This is all well and good, but has he tried to have a conversation with a two year old about why we need to go potty in the big boy/big girl potty and not in a diaper? Yes, having children potty trained is surely a convenience on the parents but how can you expect them to grow into mature adults without this knowledge. Has he tried having an intelligent conversation with a newly walking one year old about why climbing on things can give them an “boo boo”, at such a young age these types of conversations are not possible. As children grow older, yes you can talk to them but why does the praise have to stop? Why is the conversation simply added to it?
He states that saying good job will steal your child’s pleasure, and reduce their achievement, again I cry foul. There is no logos to back these statements up. Children should love and respect their parents so compliments should only add to their pleasure, not steal from it. And any normal, stable parenting environment will praise a child’s efforts not the actual work. When I child presents you with a pile of dirt with a smile on his/her face, what parents would not praise this child? Yes its only a pile of dirt but to the child it could be anything from a castle to a dinosaur, thus instilling confidence in the child, not a fear of not topping the previous effort.
I think Kohn’s does a poor job of supporting his article with facts and thus I don’t think it is very effective and he certainly did not convince me in any way, shape, or form.
LSTD 1243-103 Comp II Blog – Unit Two extra credit response to Sarah Lindhe's blog
ReplyDeleteSarah,
From what I have read of our fellow classmate's blogs, this was a touchy subject. It was for me as well because even though I do not have children of my own, I am an aunt 5 times over as well as being an honorary aunt to my close friend's children. I agree that it was hard to picture Kohn as having children or being involved in their rearing. I wondered if he did have children, how emotionally well adjusted they could be.
I had to agree that positive praise, when used on very young children, is manipulative, however, I do not believe that is a bad thing [for the reasons you stated]. You are 100% correct that it is impossible to have an "intelligent" conversation with a two-year-old and expect them to understand anything beyond their tiny world.
I also agree that using positive praise mostly increases a child's pleasure and creativity. I loved you "pile of dirt" analogy. My mental picture was having my niece pick dandelions for the dinner flower arrangement!
While Kohn cited academic sources initially, he did not continue to use them to add credence to his argument when he began listing "alternative solutions." One thing I found interesting (and unexpected) was that I see application uses for his "alternative solutions" in a work setting for my employees who do not need, nor want, "good jobs."
Your blog obviously relayed your passion about the subject and your children. I noticed a few grammatical errors, otherwise, well written!
Dayna (:
Larry M. Moore
ReplyDeleteProfessor Julie M. Davis
Interdisciplinary Comp II
Unit 2 Blog Response
21 November 2010
Sarah
I agree with everything you said on your blog about Kohns and him not being able to support his reasons for not praising children. I interviewed three other people, so I could get there opinion in three different ways you might praise children and ask if they thought it helped or hurt. All three of them even though they used praise in different situations and for different reasons it all came down to coincide with one another. I am a strong believer in giving praise where praise is due. I wish I could have put my words the way you did yours, but I am afraid I got off on a tangent to prove the author wrong. I guess that is why I got other opinions so I would not feel like I was the only one to feel that way. I unlike you have two adult daughters but I remember well their mother and I both giving them praise when they did well and I do that now with my granddaughters. Thanks for letting me share my opinion with you about your blog.
Larry